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Vimes had never got on with any game more complex then darts. Chess in particular had always annoyed him. It was the dumb way the pawns went off and slaughtered their fellow pawns while the kings lounged about doing nothing that always got to

“I feel,” said Blind Io, “that if we wanted people to fly, we would have given them wings.” “We allow broomthtickth and magic carpeth,” said Offler. “Ah, but they’re magical. Magic… religion… there is a certain association. This is

Nanny’s philosophy of life was to do what seemed like a good idea at the time, and do it as hard as possible. It had never let her down. Terry Pratchett, Maskerade (via allisbeth) original post

A thousand wolves have eaten grandmother, a thousand princesses have been kissed. A million unknowing actors have moved, unknowing, through the pathways of story. It is now impossible for the third and youngest son of any king, if he should embark on a quest

No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away. Reaper Man (via thefaultdearbrutusisinourselves) original post

And Sergeant Colon once again knew a secret about bravery. It was arguably a kind of enhanced cowardice- the knowledge that while death may await you if you advance it will be a picnic compared to the certain living hell that awaits should you

Thousands of years ago the old empire had enforced the Pax Morporkia, which had said to the world: ‘Do not fight, or we will kill you.’ The Pax had arisen again, but this time it said: ‘If you fight, we’ll call in your

All right,” said Susan. “I’m not stupid. You’re saying humans need… fantasies to make life bearable.” REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS

Take boots, for example. [Vimes] earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when

‘Now we sing dis stupid song! Sing it as we run along! Why we sing dis we don’t know! We can’t make der words rhyme prop’ly!’ ‘Sound off!’ ‘One! Two!’ ‘Sound off!’ ‘Many! Lots!’ ‘Sound off.’ ‘Er… what?’ Detritus training

You must miss the good old days.” “Well, things aren’t so bad. The food’s a lot better, we used to boil everything. No polio, good. Internet, so helpful. Sam Wilson and Steve Rogers—Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Can we talk about

It was all very well going on about pure logic and how the universe was ruled by logic and the harmony of numbers, but the plain fat of the matter was that the disc was manifestly transversing space on the back of a giant

Whenever I’m at large events and I’m asked to write my name on those “HELLO, MY NAME IS” stickers I instead write “Watermelon is the secret code word.” Most people just look at me like I’m off and avoid me. Some

…No sensible person would try to fit four elephants on top of a fish. Which leaves turtles. Small turtles spend a lot of time on rocks, but no one in their right mind would expect a small turtle to hold up four giant world-bearing

No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it. Terry Pratchett—Reaper Man (via n0b0by) original post

Supposing an emperor was persuaded to wear a new suit of clothes whose material was so fine that, to the common eye, the clothes weren’t there. And suppose a little boy pointed out this fact in a loud, clear voice… Then you have

All right,” said Susan. “I’m not stupid. You’re saying humans need… fantasies to make life bearable.” REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS

When you look into the abyss, it’s not supposed to wave back. Terry Pratchett (via twodrumsinagrave) original post

You had to hand it to human beings. They had one of the strangest powers in the universe. Even her grandfather had remarked upon it. No other species anywhere in the world had invented boredom. Perhaps it was boredom, not intelligence, that had propelled

Take it from me, there’s nothing more terrible than someone out to do the world a favour. Sourcery (1988) [null emote] original post

The French, for example, declared that all the French footprints were available for colonization by anybody who wanted to be French, and was prepared to accept a carefully put together document which outlined what being French meant. It was a brave idea, slightly let

We don’t have any money to save, and even if we did, we’ve spent our entire lives watching the value of it drop. If my dollar is going to be worth 95 cents next year, shouldn’t I use it now? tcharlatan,

The enemy isn’t men, or women, it’s bloody stupid people and no one has the right to be stupid Terry Pratchett, Monstrous Regiment: The Play (via foundcuriosity) original post

You know what the greatest tragedy is in the whole world?… It’s all the people who never find out what it is they really want to do or what it is they’re really good at. It’s all the sons who become

Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show. Terry Pratchett, Going Postal (via fourteendrawings) original post