There’s no way that EVERYBODY was Kung Fu fighting.

As a survivor of the 70s, i must inform you that, in fact, at Peak Kung-fu, literally everyone on Earth was Kung Fu fighting, even babies, who came out of the womb able to assume crane stance and kicking doctors through walls if the doctor tried to slap them. 

The Reign of the Demon Emperor Nixon exerted karmic influence through time, ensuring the rise of martial artists able to take him on and destroy him.  The Greatest Generation’s name is really a description of their kung fu skills. The Baby Boomers came out of the womb able to make things explode with their chi.  Generation X is so known because our real name was destroyed in the final battles against Demon Emperor Nixon; the reason we are half the size of the other generations is because Demon Emperor Nixon tried to kill off all those born after 1965, as one of us was prophesied to slay him. 

Entire countries were destroyed at the height of the fighting; Lemuria cracked in half and sank.  Ninety-five percent of the Netherlands was destroyed in an infamous battle between Stone Cold Jane Austen and Charles Dikkens (the famous Dutch author) which flooded most of it; what we call the Netherlands now was only a tiny chunk of the original.  National boundaries changed, cities burned, and we lost the second moon; no one remembers it now.

At its height, punches were destroying entire cities, kicks destroying entire concepts.  The US used to have 75 states and 25 of them are gone.

No one knows for sure who threw the final punch, only that the Beatles stumbled out of the flaming wreckage of the Demon Palace covered in purple blood and then in the morning, everything had changed; kung fu itself had lost its power and the world faded, becoming mundane.

But maybe that’s for the best.  The world was nearly destroyed by Kung Fu; humanity could not handle its power.  Even now, I can only remember the truth when that song plays and reminds me of a time of glory and wrath which can never come again.

I miss the second moon.